I am lying down on the pure sand of Sabang Beach as I write these thoughts on my head. At this very exact moment, I realized that it seems like ages since the last time I treated myself for a real ‘Me Time’; not realizing that I’ve been lying here on the beach (in my bikini) for more than 4 hours now, well, I really don’t care how long.

The thunderous sound of the wave, the incomparable serenity of the place, the celestial beauty of the Sabang Night Sky, the unexplainable silence I found within me makes me feel that all the universe conspired to give me this moment and say “Hey Mich, Take a break! Please, take a break.”

A few days from now, I’ll be celebrating my 26th year of existence. In my struggle not to be tagged as having an ’emo’ moment in Palawan also known as Birthday Blues, I tried to flash my smile in most of the Kodak moments and pretended to be all giddy and excited at times. But then, I give in…

…and yes, I give in.

I do not know if it’s normal for people at 25 to feel the chaos that envelopes their life as they reach the stage wherein they start thinking of establishing themselves. To be honest, I have a lot of things in my mind. I tell you, it’s a lot, that, even I, cannot figure them all out anymore.

Hmmm… Harumanumanum…

I’m a dreamer but I’m passionate and procrastinator at the same time. I do not know how these three have been working their asses off together for quite some time now. Yeah, it works for me. But now, just now, I am having these uncertainties until when they could keep up. I hope to drop the latter. I want to start my life.

My best friend’s getting married soon and I’m still ‘Single’. I am not sure if this slight terror that I am feeling is just a usual scenario when your friends are starting to get hitched and you are the only one who carries a ‘Single’ status in the group. I find it too weird why I bother myself thinking about this; when in fact, I don’t even want to involve myself in any commitment nor even ready to give up my freedom and life for somebody else. Maybe, the mere thought of being left behind or the fear of being kicked out in my previously-so-called-all-the-single-ladies-clique-now-turning-plain-housewives is at stake.

Eat, drink, and be merry coz’ tomorrow you’ll be old. And hell yeah, I am caught in the middle. I do not know what to do, where to go, and how to deal with stuff. I am 25, at the age where I feel so young and free but some things hinder me; from time to time, sudden questions cloud my thoughts – “Is it just really okay for me to just have fun, fun, and fun?“, “Am I doing the right thing?“, “Should I start getting serious with my life and get a stable job?“, “Should I start thinking and saving for the future?, “Should I forget wearing my shirts, and start carrying that sophisticated look?“, “What should I do?“

The argument with all these premises? I am still doing the same thing – I eat, I drink, and still… that makes me happy.

On Love, Relationships, and Fairy Tales
On Love, Relationships, and Sex… ah, no, Making Love
On Love and Relationships at 25 (okay, that’s much better). I am done with that stage in my life where I want to be someone’s Princess. At 25, I already crossed out that belief that once people found love; they kiss, build their castles together, and then, just live happily ever after. Tsk! What am I thinking before then?!

Silence…
Again, I looked at the tantalizing stars above me. Took a deep breath and closed my eyes…

I am dreaming of someone who would show me love in a different perspective; a fresh start, that kind of love which is not that patient and not that kind – only real and simple.
I am dreaming of someone who would not utter any promises but just live and celebrate each day of our togetherness.

I want to meet someone who knows the meaning and importance of individuality. Couples do not need to be together or doing the same thing at all times. Everyone is and should be unique; keep it as is.

I want to meet someone who is confident and open enough to the thought that some girls exist not just to flirt; some girls want and dream to do a lot of things, and some of them believe that they can make a difference, or at least be different in that manner. That thought that there are still some girls in this world who’s not fond of saying, “Hey! I am always thinking of you.”, “I think about you every second of every day.”, “You’re everything I see.” Because to be honest, those words if uttered create exaggeration and may show unrealistic intent and fantasy.

“Hey! I am always thinking of you.”
Fact: Girls can think a lot and wants to think a lot.
Fact about Me: I think of what to write next.

“I think about you every second of every day.”
Fact: Maybe true, but hey, girls think about that nice shade of lipstick they just saw on TV. They cannot think of anything else until they bought it.
Another Fact: People sleep at least 8 hours a day.
Fact about Me(Practical Application): I love watching TV. It’s so hard to watch TV Series and a like if I am thinking of someone.

“You’re everything I see.”
Fact: Self-explanatory. This statement is so not true unless you put your lover’s picture on your eyelids as replacement.

In short, I want to meet someone who makes ‘Love’ a happy and memorable part of life; just that plain and simple. Anyways, no need to hurry; I got 10 more years to go.

The cool sea breeze and the sting of salt spray on my face brought me back to my senses. Again, the wind gave me another scent of Sabang; that taste of completeness and spontaneity, reminding me that people cannot change the direction of the wind but can fly with it. I saw myself still lying down on the pure sand of Sabang Beach as I wrote those thoughts on my head. At that very exact moment, I noticed that one star was missing from that Sabang Night Sky I had been staring at for hours now. I closed my eyes and wished; hoping to see that star again. The dark vision gave me a preview of my fantasies, dreams, and a cup of reality. The two-minute-darkness gave me the most wonderful visual I have ever seen in my life even without the spark of that star I have been longing to see again. When I opened my eyes, a bright light kept on blinking and beaming in front of me, it almost got me blinded.

Now I know why the star is no longer there.

From then on, I stopped gazing…

…and said “I do.”

Disclaimer: Sometimes we need to forget thinking where we are headed to, how to get there. how much time and money we need to spend… Sometimes all we need to do is to take a break – breathe, and close our eyes to understand how life turns and goes on.